..but then I realized that I'm writing this blog for my sake, not yours. So screw it. =)
I was recently reminiscing some moments back in MSc with William. And I realized how much of the good times I forgotten now that I've moved on to this next stage. I even forgot which event I was in, which is quite shocking because I realized those were one of the best moments of my high school career, especially the Tea-making event (kudos to you, Lisa) This is a real shame, because I think there's a lot of value in reconnecting with my mental processes and worldviews during that time.
Thinking about MSc reconnected me to one of my thought themes (memes? lol) though, deep within the back of my head. I'm gonna jot it down here before Alzheimer's gets to me again.
In high school I saw a lot of talent. Maybe it was because I was hyper-competitive and a little bit nervous about how I would fare among you guys. This was a lot prevalent in the first two years, when I was still acclimating to the Mac gang, and MSc wasn't created yet. I remember at the end of grade 9, even before I was inspired during Onizuka's class (remember the student composition? lol) , I compiled list of students I thought were on par, or threatened me (in that overachieving way. I didn't know the actual word then).
Completely absurd, but true. I don't think I meant to use it in some Machiavellian way, but maybe I subconsciously did. In the sense that I wanted to be "alert" for the competition.
All of you, suffice to say, were on that list. (Save for Lillz, lol)
Thankfully, I never went back to it except maybe to modify the list after grade 10 (I vividly remember kicking Nadim off because I thought he was too self-obsessed with his own masculinity, image, and the need to be cool to truly "excel" and be competitive. I also remember kickstarting a secret dream for Harvard specifically during grade 9, while I was volunteering for my old middle school. Make what you will from that.
But the last topic was irrelevant. I think I was in general very interested in "talent" in the very generic sense of the word. I felt like I had a very intuitive feel for it, because I don't really go by the old standards of IQ, academics, etc, etc. There were a lot of times where I would talk to someone really accomplished and at the back of my head I would be thinking: "This bitch is a dumbass and probably can never amount to anything truly great." Or the other way around. People, I think, always judge in one way or another, but I did find myself with an interesting internal mechanism that I try to control consciously in as fair way as possible, instead of letting it control me into prejudice and whatnot.
Grade 11 and 12 came around and a new thought emerged: wasted talent. I've been mac'ers a bit longer now but some things didn't play out the way I'd hope them to be. Maybe it was my ego, but I now concluded that something critical was missing, that something unfortunate had caused a difference in what I think people should be progressing towards and what actually happens.
Off the top of my head, here are the people I thought who were wasting their talents by the end of graduation. Please don't be offended by my pretentious but sincere conclusions back in grade 12. They were from simpler times. I might still be standing by some of my earlier conclusions, but, again, I realize how specious trusting my gut intuition is. Hopefully you will take that into account when you express your outrage.
- Fred Ting
- Abel Sy
- Mayur Khatri
- Jimmy Li
I could name some others but they are people I know less well which means I stand by my judgement even less. I'd be happy to somewhat debate the merits of my judgement in the comments, but I have to go out now, Monday's a prime night for drinking and partying.
P.S. I felt like including a tangentially related music video, since I am going out =P Enjoy!
11 comments:
har har =P wow this is such a mastermind behaviour XD
I liked the song/vid =)
party hard XD
I think that in some sense all of us had unused potentials that weren't tapped into -- some more than others of course, but there's always room for growth.
Part of me agree that it's sad. Yet honestly, so long as the time isn't TOTALLY wasted, that some growth occurred, then progress is made and all is good.
Another part of me thinks that we're the one that took the short end of the stick. We couldn't help but overachieve (for prestige? competition? investment in future?) when it's obvious that doing so is not going to matter in the long run. Maybe they purposely saved the time and effort to do something that matters much more.
lol lillz i remember we had nicknames back in hs: lisa was the dictator...and i was the puppeteer (or was it the advisor?). go figure, i was a mini-karl rove before i even knew him.
you´re right on all points lisa. maybe they´re the truly wise ones, though I´m skeptical they were by conscious choice. as for the generalization of general untapped-ness.
your initial generalization is true, but it shouldn't be an inhibitor for at least attmepting to clarify the muddiness - even if ever so slightly.
i find it funny that I'm probably the only person on that list that'll read this =P.
well, now to rant:
"All of you, suffice to say, were on that list" -- I barely knew you in Gr.9, but it's nice to see I made your list of epicness.
I won't completely disagree with perhaps the notion of some 'talent' being wasted (I know I've never reached 'full potential' or w/e), but I certainly think I've had nice personal achievements that I'm proud of.
I'm interested to know where I fell short on the steven-scale, if you're so inclined to elaborate.
Btw, if my name being on the list has anything to do with fucking up both badminton seasons (brutally, I might add), my apologies =P
@steven, you were the advisor, lol
true to the conscious choice thing - i thought that mayur did it consciously, but his response doesn't quite make sense then.
true to your last point as well
to address ur last point 1st,
ahahaha nah, the badminton thing was only confirmatory evidence later on =P
now starting from the top:
well if my mem serves me well, we were both in Mr. Watt's class, and your performance on that biome/ecozone proj with Jimmy and Michael made quite an impression on me. i think it was my 1st time at mac (or my life) that i've actually witnessed the act of overachieving live (Nowadays, I see it so much I get sick of it). Oh, that, and one French project with Nirmal and Paul. But I hate french so that's that.
I think looking back, one expression that sums up this nicely is the concept of ¨shock and awe¨ http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shock_and_awe
I disagree a little bit with your question's phrasing. You didn't fell 'short on my scale of epicness'. The whole reason why you four were on my list in the 1st place is the other way around: you topped my 'scales of epicness'. I felt that each of you, in at least one dimension, vastly, VASTLY outpaced my abilities in every regard (but you know, each of you in your unique ways). For that, I really looked up and respected you guys in my own way, and there was always a part of me that wanted to capitalize on that and sponge up those dimensions in which I thought you excelled at.
where there's a difference, and where I thought you differed with someone like Lisa (who also qualified for the aforementioned paragraph), is that I didn't felt like you 4 appreciated and exploited what you naturally did so well.
-continued-
finally, done the stupid classes for today.
alright, if u were still not completely creeped out with me psychoanalyzing you, you will now. here goes:
mayur, i felt you were always a very intuitive person. what i mean by that is you think very quickly on your feet. this is especially true when it comes to non-technical matters. for many issues, you were able to jack up a very quick mental framework and just go long on that. whether it is forming an opinion, synthesizing an analysis, arguing a point of view, or persuading a certain issue at hand.
does it lead to good insight? honestly, not always. nuances were sometimes flattened, fallacies in off-the-cuff responses often distill into your overall thinking. but hey, why do you need that kind of posturing and pretentiousness anyway? most of us have our brains are overwhelmed into shut down when we are forced to exert fluid thoughts. not you buddy, just look at the interview response you gave to citytv. perfect example. the fact remains that you excel in uncertainty, and i sincerely envy that.
i could go on and on. in laymen's terms, you're good with improv, thinking on your feet, engaging in argument. and you can do it in a way that will never net you on any1's bad side. that's a golden combo. think abt it, did you really have any1 u really hated or some1 who hated u in high school? if i have to sum it up in one phrase, i would call you "average joe common sense guy - on hypersteroids".
if i were a career/life advisor, which I'm not, I would've spelt out your life path like this:
founder of debate team - class prez - school prez/drama club - poli sci/international relations @ UofT, community organizer/lawyer/diplomat - first Indian PM of Canada/judge/ambassador ;P
or, if we wanna be less pretentious and go with something more capitalist, then: b-school - management consultant/ad guy - partner/CEO. you would be the perfect consultant. you are impossible to resent, and you'll always 'seem' right.
instead, mebbe to the fault of ur culture, ur family, or ur friends (we certainly didn't help), i felt you trained to be some1 like us. nuances, complex systems, attention to details, being creatively innovative, all that shitty, depressing stuff. math contests? big mistake (though I think you never did get into it, which I think is a good thing). programming? programming contests? yes, i think that was bad. can you argue that balance is not a bad thing? of course, i can't argue against that. but i always felt you weren't competing with people on your strongest points, which I felt was a shame.
i just realized now that i'm writing that you basically should not have hanged around us. damn.
so did i think you've picked out the wrong major, and perhaps the wrong career? yeah, kind of. but i still respect your choice becuz i realize there's no way i will ever be fully cognizant of the situation or what you went through. but i think my judgement, at least during that time, were made in true earnestness and sincerity. but no matter what happens, i'm sure you will make the best out of it, becuz hey, you're mayur.
ok, time to get off the soapbox, now i've said a lot of shit, most of it bull - a gazillion points for you attack. start chipping away!
lol, oh man....
Ok, I'll keep this short (or try to). Firstly, kudos to you for explaining this 'out-going-in' view of myself. It certainly was fresh, new and enlightening to say the least.
I'll start off by saying that diplomatic/legal studies or what-have-you could quite possibly (perhaps even probably) following undergrad, so the ambassador career is still up in the air.
Secondly, you missed out mentioning my epic-ness in the school plays (dunno how many you actually saw), but I'll forgive that for old times sake =P
Third - you hit on a very important point that I'm glad you took into consideration, which was the cultural & family influences that perhaps led to the career/education decisions that I made. Yes, indeed the pressures of following in brown footsteps of business, comp-sci (or in my case, both) was ever-present, mainly to contiue pleasing my parents (which, again for some reason, has been of tremendous importance to me).
It goes without saying that you all had a tremendous influence on what I made of high-school and its hilarities. That being said, I do think I would've been as gung-ho about the programming contests (and the Dyke classes) regardless. The choice to do business-y things as well -- more of a safety-net fallback I think (maybe more parental pressure, I really don't know).
It is nice to see that you saw in me someone who I did see in myself as well - a political pundit offering up B.S. and everyone swallowing it whole-heartedly.
I'll end off with this:
"instead, mebbe to the fault of ur culture, ur family, or ur friends (we certainly didn't help), i felt you trained to be some1 like us"
You may possibly be very right about this. Unknown to many, there was a stage in my life (pre-highschool) that I thought I'd venture off to become a professional actor. Oh yes, resumés and headshots were sent off to casting agencies and talent scouts. Alas, to no avail. Then, of course, my parents point of view on the matter (it's fun to do, but don't make a career out of it) didn't help propel it anywhere. Heck, even Ms. Capozzi told me she expected to see me on television in a few years time (after the Annie play). Why, you might ask, didn't I push further with this ambition? Turn a hobby into a successful career? Simple: I was scared (of failing).
Thanks for the insight Steve. Much appreciated.
thx for the feedback mayur. i don't have much else to add, except to say that i didn't forget abt the play.
but it was diconfirmatory evidence, so i chose to ignore it =P
good to hear that ur ambitious drive dates to way before i met you. let's see some of that fire again. =)
Everyone has potential for everything... and there's no such thing as "talent".
What is listed is what anyone can do, but some people get a head start, giving an illusion of "talent". Instead, here, it is suggested what people "should" do. Only spending time doing literally nothing or anything useless subjective to everyone is making wrong use of time.
And what was mentioned about "growth"... what appears to be implied is that there is growth if you make use of your strengths, and little growth if you go for something you are not strong at.
Sorry, I am pro-nurture =P hence, I agree with Mayur (I watched Annie! Kudos to your awesome performance ^^).
I never realized people actually care enough to list people with potential harm... I was in awe in high school, because I found groups who are similar to me. I transitioned from a middle school with barely anyone with similar ideas.
who is w4chau?
lol, and as a reply, I understand your pro-nurture argument - I myself have greatly improved certain aspects of my 'list' as I meet new people and actively 'improved' myself. However, what you are suggesting is disingenuous and ignorant of each individual's situation. You do not take into account passion itself, which itself plays a key part in the overall 'talent' of a certain dimension. i see mayur being genuine happy when he is on stage - I would like to see some more evidence if you would like to convince me that his current curriculum tingles his curiosities.
judgement, in the end, can be wrong. i've mentioned that at the onset of the post. but to heed judgement as conclusively useless would be callous and intellectually irresponsible for myself.
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