2009-02-22

I've just realized what superpower I really want now: the ability the fly.

stupid internet meme questions dealt with: check one. that took way too long, haha.

LOL alright it's on mayur....$5 on the line.

2009-02-19

Today's timewaster - in order of connection

- The Atlantic - how the crash will reshape America
- Long Depression, 1873 to 1896
- Crédit Mobilier of America scandal, 1872
- Graft, Political Corruption
- Woodrow WIlson, accomplishments
- League of Nations, failures
- Esperanto, native speakers
- George Soros
- Esperanto, speakers
- William Shatner, Incubus
- Blade Trilogy, plotlines
- Esperanto, Christianity
- Pope John Paul II
- Pope John Paul I
- Pope Assassination attempts, conspiracy theories
- Pope Benedict XVI
- William Richardson SSPX, Holocaust denier

God, I hate Wikipedia.

2009-02-17

So apparently I have an affinity for writing blogs in the wee hours in the morning. Let's see, what to write about (this piece of work was patched a few days ago, finished just now):

So I've been trekking through this life for what, almost 20 years? There are some points I've found out about myself:
  1. I'm horrible with remembering things. I can't help it. I thought it was some sort of Freudian controlled memory block, to help me remove the unpleasant child memories (ie. Church abuses). But no, I can't remember the good times either. There are so many good things (eg. childhood, grade 4, grade 8, grade 12) that happened to me that remain as a faint sense of happiness. I can barely connect with my past. No names, no events, just a vague sense of emotion, a twisted sense of polarity.
  2. I don't know what I'm motivated by, or what I want. Case in point: I use "So apparently I..." more often than socially acceptable. Why am I intercutting myself with 'apparently', if I know what I want? I don't. This conclusion comes after I've tried everything to find out my motivators. Is it altruism? Is my higher calling the improved lives of others? A few volunteer hundred hours, and a Lieutenant Governor's award later, I can't say it is. I no longer feel the drive to make that difference in someone's life. Maybe it's the callousness of university/commerce; maybe my own loss of innocence; maybe I'm just not that righteous, but whatever it is, altruism does not define my lifelong goals. Is it the pursuit of knowledge and understanding of grand nature of the universe? After MaCS, after OSCSS, after Shad; in essence, after my entire high school career, I can't say it is. I've seen too many cases of knowledge abused, twisted, and pigeon-holed into irrelevance. I can no longer hold scientists, doctors, mathematicians to the same degree of respect as I had before, simply because knowledge is no longer an untouchable ray of light to me; it is a human construct, subject to the same virtues, vices, and transitoriness of our own humanity. It greed and power my true calling? I thought I'd give it a try - let's go for the most competitive business program in Canada (sorry, Laurier) that breeds the oligarch class within Canada - the professionals, the business leaders, the human networks that drives the economic engine, the 'system' that hippies and anarchists rail against - maybe this is my essence, the one that, when morals are not considered, is inseparable from myself. But after 2 years of this competition, I can't say it is. I may be at the near top, stepping my foot down upon hundreds of hopeful future leaders, but there is always this sense of lethargy about me. I don't care for power, nor money. Especially not of others, nor over others. I observe at some of my fellow classmates and it's just not rubbing off.  I cannot emulate something I can't even look up to, and they're complete failures, in my opinion. By deduction, I guess the only possible motivation left is love and family? Perhaps I am a romantic, albeit an supremely awkward and inexperienced one? As only 20 years have passed, even I am not that ignorant to dismiss this reasoning outright. We might have to see after Spain, haha. Or after I'm 30. Or 40. Or 50. It could be the one. The only reservation I have is that if I did truly love someone, would I really put them through 20, 30 years of marriage? How patently unfair would it be to put through future children of any sort of father figure such as me? LOL, but the last point is pointless. The key to all this rambling is that I don't really have anything to motivate me. Onto point 3.
  3. I cannot bring myself to confront my strengths and weaknesses. I have a vague sense of what they are, but I can't bring myself to communicate it, to deal with it, to leverage it, to mitigate it.  So we've seen all these accomplishments that I've had - I don't have to brag them out to you, and neither the same back to me. The issue is when I have to draw the personal essence from these accomplishments - they become incoherent, random, and purposeless. So I've done this, this, this. What does that say about me, other than that I'm neurotically piqued in the short term, and relatively lackadaisical in the long term? Back to point 2 and altruism. Even if that did truly motivate me deep down inside, I cannot bring myself to communicate that passionately to other people - I've tried, and failed one too many times to go on those trips to Africa, to Cambodia, etc. All because of a simple interview process. I still have this innate fear of resumes and cover letters - I can never be satisfied with my own self-description.
It seem as if I'm at stone slacker stage in my life, but without the weed element. Haha, no, that's just a bad attempt at a joke - a hyperbole. Maybe I'm just a bad person. A rotten apple, a mistaken creation.

So, now, extrapolate these three conditions into the future, which is not that hard, given how these conditions have been consistent for the past few years. How will I end up anything positive with these traits? I can't remember much about my closest friends if I get out of touch with them for a while, I don't know what's best for me in a career, in a family, in anything in life. And even if I did, I can't pull myself up by the bootstraps to achieve that because I can't leverage my strengths, nor address my weaknesses sufficiently. Is this a template for anything positive?

But, now, interpolate that to now, given how these conditions have been persistent for the past few years. If those three conditions were consistent, it does seem almost like a miracle that I am where I am today. Yes, despite of all, I consider myself in a very enviable position right now. I've got a lot of opportunities, regardless of whether I capitalize on them or not. I've got a lot of people who've invested their time, money, or hopes into me. How the fuck did this happen? I'm supposed to be down in the gutters right now, given what I've done in the past. What I was, in the past and now. It's cliche to say that a person is a byproduct of nature and nurture. But how did I become who I am today, given, in my opinion, nature was especially weak, and nurture was nowhere near exceptional?

These three points are not cases for me to get emo, as some of you are trigger-happy to recommend. Thank you, I assure you I'm not. I'm just curious, especially by the last little interpolation. How did I get to where I am, when I am intrinsically so...I don't want to say flawed...but...choked? I don't know - perhaps my last statement in the previous paragraph was hopeless naive - maybe I've overlooked something in my developmental stage - something extraordinary yet subversive.

Just some things to consider over the break. Yes, Gladwell's Outliers inspired me to write this. I still think he's a snake oil peddler, though. Absolute garbage.

P.S. The church abuse thing was also a joke. :)

2009-02-12

Life makes you cold.

2009-02-10

so apparently the only way I can keep awake to study is to blast electro house into my ear and permanently damage my hearing.

...sigh.

2009-02-08

25 things...what an amusing meme. :)

http://www.time.com/time/arts/article/0,8599,1877187,00.html

the thing is written (cuz i procratinate as usual). i just don't want to publish it; haven't reached critical mass of tagging yet. (cuz i'm a loser)

:P

2009-02-04

'Women deserve better than abortion'

Barbara Kay,  National Post  Published: Wednesday, February 04, 2009

The following article was adapted from a speech delivered to the "Live for Life" club at King's College, University of Western Ontario, in December, 2008.

---

Thank you for the honour of the invitation that has brought us together. I applaud your willingness to pay respect to views on abortion that diverge from your own in the interest of finding common ground on this thorny subject.

Although I am a staunch supporter of your right to advocate against abortion, and deplore all attempts to suppress your freedom of speech on certain campuses, I am not opposed in principle to legal abortion.

Rather, I am here to offer the prospect of an alliance between pro-lifers and those, like myself, I would call cultural reformists. Abortion should be a serious moral decision, and undertaken with a heavy heart, with all options carefully weighed beforehand, rather than the rushed, banalized service of convenience it has become. Cultural reformists do not oppose legal abortion, but hope to see Canada become a more life-respectful society.

I think I represent the broad spectrum of Canadians who aren't happy about our lack of an abortion law, but aren't quite sure what such a law should look like if we had one -- and certainly can't agree that the subject is closed to further discussion or debate.

The ideal of a more life-respectful society is common ground between us, and could be a bridge across the philosophical gap that divides us. But if we are to help each other, we need to share a communications template for promoting our common values in the national forum that is acceptable to both of us.

Up to now, your message has been: "Abortion is morally wrong. Stop doing it." You haven't made much headway. You haven't engaged the attention, let alone the sympathy, of the vast majority of Canadians who don't believe, as you do, that abortion should be "illegal in all circumstances."

Two cliches spring to mind here. The first is that politics is the art of the possible. Outlawing abortion altogether is impossible in this country for the foreseeable future. And the other cliche is that perfection -- which you define as no abortion, ever -- is the enemy of the good. The good in this case is what can be achieved politically.

Here's my position, and perhaps those of many other Canadians.

It is a natural instinct to think first of ourselves, then of the wellbeing of those whom we love and who love us back, before we consider our allegiance to those we can only imagine as future intimates, but who cannot imagine us back.

It is also humanly natural to act according to a hierarchy of virtue that takes its ethical cue from the circumstances in which we find ourselves at the moment of decision. And as human history constantly reminds us, desperate circumstances prompt desperate choices:

In their nomadic days, the Inuit abandoned the frail and aged in order that the others could go on without encumbrances that might endanger the entire group.

During the Holocaust, some babies were suffocated by their mothers' hands so their cries would not reveal a hiding place to the Nazis and expose all therein to certain death.

A mortally wounded soldier asks his buddy to kill him so he won't be tortured as he is dying by the enemy. His buddy, who can rescue himself, but not his comrade, complies in a mercy killing.

Dare we call the soldier, the hunted mother or the traditional Inuit people immoral?

These examples tell us that the principle of the sanctity of life may be absolute in theory, but that life is messy. To ensure that citizens deal with the resultant bioethical quandaries in a serious way, we need an abortion law that promotes reflexion, assures informed consent, includes the commitment of material and psychological resources to support continued pregnancy and valorizes the choice of life-affirming options like adoption.

My line of thinking leads to moral distinctions you doubtless disagree with and are possibly repulsed by. But if you are not prepared to close political ranks with those of us who have in conscience and through honest deliberation arrived at a hierarchy in the sanctity of human life -- the point of view of most Canadians -- you will remain outliers in the national discussion.

Given that it is impossible to recriminalize abortion, what are the best -- and worst -- uses of the pro-life movement's time and resources as an advocacy group?

Beginning with the worst, I cannot think of anything more damaging amongst educated observers to the pro-life cause than the Genocide Awareness Project (GAP) campaign, which draws a moral equivalence between abortion and the Holocaust.

You cannot build an argument on an analogy alone. In any debate, emotional arousal must be subordinated to rational persuasion.

You have, or should have, the political right to turn people off through shocking images (for that is largely the effect of this campaign). But you don't have the ethical right to exploit for mere rhetorical advantage a human tragedy with no logical, moral or historical relevance to abortion.

The GAP campaign is intellectually flawed because it extrapolates one detail from the Holocaust -- numbers killed -- and on that basis alone proclaims a moral equivalence.

But the point of the Holocaust is not the number of lives extinguished. Genocides aren't about numbers. They are about ideology-based hatred -- unchecked hatred for an identifiable minority group that serves to unite the persecuting majority group, and paves the way for its horrible consequences.

Unborn children are not a minority identity group, nor are abortions performed by political fiat for the purpose of furthering solidarity amongst some dominant group. Every abortion is an individual choice made by an individual woman. None of these women "hates" the potential child she aborts; they hate their situation. Most women who have abortions in fact go on to have children that they love. Nazis did not kill some Jews, and cultivate friendships with others; they hated and considered subhuman all Jews.

Moreover, you are not only describing the action of abortion as evil in this comparison, you are implying that women who abort, like Nazis, are evil people. There is neither truth nor dignity in accusing women of such moral turpitude.

Choose any factual perspective, you won't find a single moral parallel between the situations. And that is why it is not in your interest to pursue the campaign. Or in our mutual interest, because it stands in the way of an alliance between us.

I wonder if those who think the GAP campaign is defensible have really assessed the damaging image it creates in intelligent observers' minds. It brands you as people who feel passionately, but who do not think clearly. High emotion and the absence of reason are the marks of extremists and conspiracy theorists.

Your cause deserves better than the GAP campaign. Because the result -- and I think this is a very grave consequence for any movement -- is that thoughtful, educated people do not take you seriously. They do not respect your strategies for persuasion. You must consider whether the emotional impact of your message is so important to you that it is worth burning the narrow but sturdy bridge you could be using to reach people like me.

By contrast, if you made the analogy of a genocide to abortions done in the name of sex selection, you would be on firmer ground, because sex selection is a form of bias -- arguably even a form of hatred -- against an identifiable group. Here is one area where most Canadians would happily sign on to legislative constraints.

The best use of your advocacy time? I would advise moving away from the rights of the fetus, which arouses defensiveness and hostility, and toward the rights of women, an area staked out as the moral high ground of the pro-choicers.

Pro-choicers are fixated on "a woman's right to choose." As the debate is currently framed, to be against unlimited abortion is to be against women's rights.

"Rights" is a charged word. But the pro-choicers don't own it. In any case, the slogan is corrupt, because women's so-called "choice" presently is compromised by their ignorance: There are physical and psychological risks to abortion that pro-choicers and abortion clinics wilfully suppress, such as the irrefutable link between induced abortion and a risk of pre-term delivery in future pregnancies. An uninformed choice is not a real choice.

These risks should be known. You should end the so-called pro-choicers' monopoly on women's "rights" with "A Woman's Right to Informed Consent" and "A Woman's Right to Optimal Reproductive Health."

Focusing the debate on women's health, you would then occupy the moral high ground feminists claim as their particular precinct. What campus union could in conscience refuse an information session on women's health?

The pro-choice movement has stereotyped you. Don't let the media and student unions pigeonhole the pro-life movement as Christian evangelists and stay-at-home moms with 10 children (not that there's anything wrong with that). There are many secular career women who sympathize with or actively support your cause. The motto of an American group called Feminists for Life is: "Women deserve better than abortion." I like that positive message, and so will many other Canadians.

Canada is never going to outlaw abortion, but an abortion law with benign, sensible constraints that line up with those of all civilized countries except ours, should be the goal of our mutual endeavours. Abortion is the single most pressing moral issue of our time. It's time for a little less emotionalism and a lot more reasonable dialogue on both sides of the debate. Will pro-lifers and cultural reformists form an advocacy alliance in 2009? I hope so.

bkay@videotron.ca

2009-02-03

Funny how so many of us were burned out, and I didn't even notice.

History is written by the winners, I suppose.

2009-02-02

blackberry or iphone? hmm...

2009-02-01

montreal > kingston

that is all.